What Have I Missed?

Is It Ok? (Written September 21, 2016)

Here I am, awake again, while the rest of the world sleeps,
Am I just more disturbed than them, or are they just more at peace?
Do you think, perhaps, my dreams exceed
What, sleeping, my mind would let me believe?
So while others are snoring on their pillows away,
I’m stuck being tortured by an unended day.
Maybe they have laid to rest their worries and their fears,
Maybe they are comfortable with their pain and with their tears.
Maybe I’m just too concerned with what I should leave to trust
That the extra time to worry away has simply become a must.
Either way, at the end of the day, when sleep steals the rest of them all away,
I’m left watching the dawning day, and wondering if everything is really ok.

___

So, insomnia. Nothing new. If you read my blog regularly then you are probably getting sick if hearing about it. But, well, I was thinking.

The other day I went and got my eyes checked up on. It had been a few tears and, predictably, my eyesight has gotten even worse. At this point, I feel like I’m not really interacting with other real people if I’m doing it without my glasses. It feels about as unreal as it looks. It is hard to interact with people when you all the sudden can’t make note of all those little things they do while they talk. All the sudden it feels like you are on the other side of a one way mirror. It is disturbing, frankly, however entertaining it might be for others. 

Insomnia…kind of gives me the same feeling. It’s like there is some weird barrier between you and what is so normal and easy for everybody else. You know? And you know it is there, but you can’t grab it because it isn’t ever quite where you think it is. It makes me wonder what I’m missing. What do normal people see when I am blind? What do normal people feel like, falling asleep when they go to bed? These questions have been on my mind, lately.

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