A Forgotten Lost Something

Forgotten Lost Something (Written August 29, 2012)

I’m looking for something I lost long ago,
So far off forgotten that I scarcely know,
Know what it was, know why I’d care,
But I find, still I search for it everywhere
Over the moon and under the ground,
But that forgotten lost something is no place to be found
What was it, I wonder, to hurry me so
What is it I’ve sought since so long ago…
A feeling, a finding, a dear old friend,
A grand old adventure that never would end,
A bay or an island, a cursed treasure trove
Lost and forsaken, a place I once drove
Drove desperate feeling, drove away pain
Drove it and strove to ne’er see it again
What was it, why was it so important to find,
This painful raw thing that ravaged my mind?
Under the mountains, over the skies
Away from my reach this something flies
It’s not in the water, it’s not in the ground
The forgotten lost something is still yet unfound
If I can’t remember, if I can’t recall
Why must it torture, how does this enthrall?
For what am I searching? What emptied me so?
What forgotten lost something did I lose long ago?

___

I wrote this in a conversation I was having, via instant messenger, with somebody who used to be a very close friend. When he asked me what it was about I wrote this email:

Mhm, it is called A Forgotten Lost Something, and I think the story is great one. Great and sad. But that is what life feels like, sometimes. But not always…it is just easier to think about when it feels big and sad, because every other time it keeps you too distracted to think to write about it. So we have stories of tragedy and suffering. We add happy endings to them because the darker and longer the tunnel is, the brighter the prick of light at the end. And the happiest ones are always shadowed by hard work and loss, because the people who have the happiest stories to tell have paid the most to earn them. Such a strange world we live in, don’t you think? But it makes me want to write too. Write about the sad things, and the happy ones…Or something. 

Which isn’t really what I was thinking about when I posted this. I was thinking of very different things. Like…

It is strange, really, how events unfold. Just the other day I was told by my school’s principle that I have improved greatly as a student since he came here three years ago. (No, I was never one to get bad grades, I was just a disrespectful trouble maker. Or so they say.) He was not the first one to say so recently. But when I first was told that, it made me think, and I don’t agree. If I am more polite, that is one thing. But, really, I feel like I have lost something really important. A spark of… something. *shrug* I don’t know what it is. I feel like something has been missing for a while now, and getting along well with my teachers is only accenting that feeling. Frankly, by normal standards, things aught to seem better now than they have in a while. *shakes head* I dunno, maybe I will find out what that is some day, but right now it is a mystery that I really want to solve.

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