To You (Written March 16, 2011)
Fail again, failed again,
Failing now as I did then
Helpless as I lose my friend
Watching as you slip away
There was a time a wondrous time
It seemed our very persons rhymed
And higher did out friendship climb
‘Till suddenly things went astray
Who to blame, oh who’s to blame?
But no more were our thoughts the same
As now I rarely speak you name
As between us forms a crack
I miss you friend, my only friend
I do not want this time to end
I find I can no more pretend
I sorely want you back
I do not think you realize
How much you changed my life
You hid from me what I despised
And took away the strife
I must assume that this is best
But if e’re you change your mind
If e’re you seek a place to rest
You know where you will find.
Well, I wrote a poem for today, for the sake of the whole NaPoWriMo thing, but I couldn’t quite convince myself that I could justify posting it on this journal when this poem was so much more appropriate. So, here this is.
Have you ever had a friend, a really, really importnt friend, suddenly start seeming distant? I have only ever had a few friends close enough for that to happen, and there was one who had been that sort of close friend for a really long time. We’d known each other for ever, and I could talk to him everything- within reason, of course. We talked about ideas and stories, mostly. Nothing personal, unless I was really mad and started ranting, usually about my classmates. But otherwise it wasn’t anything I wouldn’t say to anybody, if they could have follwed it as well. We just got along really well. I thought. Maybe I was stupid and oblivious, but I never saw it coming. This poem was written before it happened, and I thought I was just being dramatic, but it might have actually been about when things started. Things were awkward for a while, and then we settled into old routines and everything went back to normal. Until not to long ago, when he told me he liked me, and knew I didn’t like him. I was amazed (I’m sure you are too. I’d be shocked to find that somebody like me had anything to do with anything close to romance!). I didn’t see it coming at all. He was right, of course. I didn’t like him. Which is part of the reason I was amazed he’d said anything, if he knew that already. But mostly, I was just confused. It has always been my very public opinion that you go to school to go to school and should absolutely not do anything that might be a deterent to you giving your absolute utmost toward being a good student- in other words, I have no interest in dating until I have graduated. Of course, we both knew that, and he knew me well enough to know I would absolutely not change my mind, so we sort of went back to normal for a while. And then stopped talking outside of school. And then stopped talking at school too, except for polite conversation. Today kind of just said it all though. You’d think, if somebody claims to like you, or even claims to be your friend, they might care if you leave the building crying, but I suppose not.
Also! Just saying this because I realize how dramatic that sounded, but this sort of drama is totally foreign to me. Which is part of the reason I was so freaking confused. And, frankly, P-freaking-O’ed, if you will excuse me saying so.
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