Is It My Fault? (Written June 15, 2013)
Why is it that every time
I see friends who get along,
Who’re there for each other in times of need,
And remember each other long after they’re gone,
I feel as if I’ve wasted time,
I feel as if I’m wasted space,
‘Cause, though we’ve lived such similar lives,
I’ve never been welcomed in such a place.
Close friends relied upon
Were never friends of mine,
I’ve never been ‘close’ with anyone,
There was never anyone close to find.
Is it my fault that I’m by myself?
Or is that nobody’s there?
Have I pushed them away and kept them afar,
And pretended I never cared?
Or have I just been so unfortunate
That there was nobody there to befriend,
Was I just so unlucky that nobody
Would ever be there, in the end?
DISCLAIMER: I don’t support people who will mope around all the time like this poem is. This poem is the expression of a single thought. If you are going to go and think like that all the time, prepare yourself ’cause you probably will end up dying alone.
Yes, yes, outcomes my inner pessimist. I don’t get on well with most people- I have a quick temper, and a sharp tongue, and (or so my teachers tell me) I intimidate my classmates and glare a lot. So, I don’t really have friends. Not close ones, anyway. I was just thinking about it because the seniors who just graduated, who I’ve known forever now, all, when giving their respective speeches at different parties, thanked their friends for being awesome. It really made me jealous. To hear them talking about going to college together, and sharing apartments, and planning trips etc. made me really realize that I don’t actually have any good friends. I suspect that has a fair bit to do with me. And that is sad. And it is probably all my own stupidity that has led to it. If you don’t have friends, make friends. Do whatever it will take to find somebody who will like you for being you, and who will want to help you when you need help. It is lonely without.
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