At The Crossroads (Written June 9, 2014)
I’m standing at these crossroads,
With a path at each four sides,
And I wonder where each road would lead,
What story each would hide.
And part of me’s excited,
And part of me is sad,
And part of me just wants to rest,
And part of me is mad.
Excited for new adventure,
For whatever lies ahead,
For the thrill of finding new things,
But behind that there is dread.
And that is where the sad is, see,
‘Cause I don’t want to leave where I’m from,
The life that I’ve loved for all these years,
The exhausting trail from which I’ve come.
And so I’m also wanting rest,
To sit down a while and see where I’ve come.
I’m glad I’m here so I want to enjoy it,
But I sometimes just hate what I’ve done.
‘Cause sometimes I find I get so mad
That I’m not somebody better,
But thinking like that never helped anyone
So then I give up altogether.
But soon enough I’ll have to walk,
To chose a path on which I’ll fight,
‘Cause even if I try to wait
There’s still a tale to write.
So, I’ve just graduated. Woohoo. I mentioned it before, but I was the salutatorian, so I had to give a speech. I based mine all off of this talk that one of my teachers gave up a long time ago about how we had to do our best with whatever we were doing then. He said that if we were in school then we were students so we had to try our hardest to be the best students we could be. Age quod agis, do what you do. If anybody had been wondering where I first heard that, it was from that teacher. So I based my whole speech around that speech. About how school gave us a foundation to do whatever we liked, so go do it and, whatever it is, do it well. And now I’m finding myself feeling like a hypocrite.
I was never good friends with any of my classmates of underclassmen. I get along with them fine. There are some I get along with really well, but they all treat me like they treat a teacher they happen to really like… I guess I would just say that it is distant. I’m “an upperclassmen” in a different way from other people my age, I suppose. So, now I’m out of school and I guess I just don’t get how I fit into the dynamic anymore. There are plenty of girls who want to keep in touch when I leave for college… I dunno, I guess I just feel out of place, you know? Like how you feel when you are a kid and all the sudden learn that your family plans on moving soon. I keep casually thinking about how next school year will go, just to remember all of a sudden that there isn’t another year. That was it. And it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like I’m still a student, and I don’t want to not feel like I am, no matter how much I’m looking forward to college. It just wouldn’t be the same. And then I remind myself of my speech, and the stories that I told everybody else because I thought that they needed to know those stories too, and I kick myself. I’m not a high school student anymore, that isn’t what I’m doing. I have to get ready for what comes next. Age quod agis.
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