Saying Goodbye

My Last Days Here (Written May 7, 2014)

I never thought I’d be so stressed,
Of all people I’d loose composure?
I mean, after all the time I’ve spent here
I find that I’m fearing the closure.

Of course I have some work to do-
Some that goes on and on-
And that has certainly kept me busy
But I’m more scared of when it is gone.

I can’t imagine what life will be like
When I’ve left this place for good.
I mean, I always knew I’d leave some day,
I just never thought I really would.

But it’s ok, I’ll be alright,
I’ll try to be happy instead of fear,
I’ll do the best with what I have
And make the most of these last days here.


So, I’m leaving tomorrow for college. Not gonna lie, I’m pretty torn up. I mean, yes, I’m am very much looking forward to meeting new people and going new places… but the idea of leaving behind my home and friends, the place I’ve grown up and the people I’ve grown up with… well, let’s just say that leaving is turning out to be really hard. Leaving my room with all its books. Saying goodbye to all the kids I babysit, all my cousins and nieces and nephews. Saying goodbye to the libraries and coffee shops where I’ve spend most of my free time for the past ten years.

And then there is the choir. Yesterday was the last Sunday I could sing at church for until Thanksgiving, because I’m going to be gone. That, more than a lot of other little things, really hit hard. The choir is, and always has been, a humongous part of my life. I think of home and one of the first things that comes to mind is the choir. The choir to me means my family, means my friends, means a home that I love. To me the choir means comfort and joy, means peace and all the above. When we finished singing yesterday and I realized I was done… well, I think in a not very small way my heart broke. I lost a symbol of my home and that, more than anything, made the idea that I was going away strike home.

So, yeah, wish me luck! I’m glad, if nothing else, I’ll still be keeping this journal here. That, at least, isn’t going to change. =)


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