Where Did That Girl Go? (Written June 4, 2015)
I remember a girl who hated the world-
But, you know, she loved it too.
She was lost and alone and wondering
What on earth she was meant to do.
But she wasn’t just lost, she wasn’t just sad-
She never was one for despair.
When things got ugly she got mad
And cursed at the world that didn’t care.
She saw magic where others saw mundane,
A challenge where others saw chore.
In every little thing she saw
She knew it was something more.
And she knew she, too, was more than just her,
She knew she was more than she seemed,
But she didn’t know how to be something more
So she fought and she bit and she dreamed.
She cared for those who wouldn’t care,
And cried where they couldn’t see
And she gave her all for the people she loved,
For her home and her friends and her family.
And then she left, with an anxious heart,
Where to and why, I don’t know.
Where is that fighting dreamer now?
Where did that lost girl go?
You know, I have talked about (complained about) how much leaving home killed me. How hard it was. But, you know, what scares me the most isn’t me leaving home. It’s me leaving me. I have never been satisfied with myself. I know that I’ve never been exactly who I wanted to be. But living away from home for a year has made me realize that I wasn’t just missing all the amazing people and things that I was blessed with growing up- I was missing something that I always treasured as being a part of me. The only way I can think to put it is that my give-a-darn broke. I have trouble caring about anything. And I hated it. My mind, my thoughts, and my will are still the same. I know what I want and I want it just as much as I always have- but my heart just isn’t in it. I hated it. Where did the magic go? If I have to go against every practical bit of advice I have received or given myself, I swear I will find the girl I lost.
I won’t lose the magic.
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