Not Ok

Look and See (Written August 15, 2016)

Help me, please, anybody.
Help me, please, can’t you see?
I’m drowning, flailing, falling apart,
Losing my mind and killing my heart.

Please, someone, anyone out there,
Look my way and pretend to care.
Be quiet for a bit and let me escape
And pretend to have a somewhere where I am safe.

Dear anyone, please, if you can
Look close and see I can hardly stand.
I need something, any kind of support
‘Cause I can’t keep pretending that nothing hurts.

To the dear no one listening,
Know that, though I don’t let it show, it stings
When everyone thinks you’re fine and have a plan
But you desperately need a helping hand.


Yeah, that basically says it all. I would really love it if I had a somebody I could go to who would just be quiet, give me a hug, tell me it will be alright. The only outlet I have is writing, and I can’t keep going without having anybody answering back. People lean on me, and that is fine. But I need somebody to lean on, too. I’m not ok, I feel like I’m going insane. But I can’t let that show. The only thing keeping me going is this strong front. I’ve already discovered that letting that front will just alienate the people who are used to me being reliable. Apparently I don’t get that option. The only hope I have left is that somebody will see through the disguise, and I honestly don’t believe that that is going to happen. I’ve accepted that I am not someone who others tend to like, forget love. Not in anything but a distant, professional sort of way. And that might just be my cross in life, so I suppose I should get used to it.


7 thoughts on “Not Ok

      1. I know how you feel, don’t let things get to you too much.. and remember that somewhere someday there may be another person who might just need your understanding, when nobody else knows what they are going through 🙂

          1. Hi Just seen this, thank you for your kind words. I was up in the night, and your site is so open and full of warmth, welcome, emotion and sensitivity that it felt very natural to connect.

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