Away (Written August 25, 2016)
I want to run away, run deep inside
Of my mind, of my past, where I’ll safely hide
Away from the crushing sad of today,
Where happy and safe was a place I could stay.
Today was a sad day, in a very particular and depressing way. I am not someone who holds particularly high or unreasonable expectations, and I hardly even hold those. As such, I’m not used to the feeling of being let down, to the feeling of my stomach dropping away from me in a moment of incomprehensible betrayal. Honestly, it’s only happened to me twice before today- once when I discovered that one of the very few people I thought of as friends had been lying to others about what I said about them. The other time was just like today, brought on by a book.
I want to go back to seven years ago, when I was thirteen and sitting outside the library after closing on a frigid November day reading Spellbinder by Helen Stringer for the first time, and my oldest brother surprised me from behind to say I was going to his house to have dinner with his family.
I want to go back to eight years ago when I first read The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan while sitting on the roof of the forgotten and dilapidated chicken coop tucked away behind some trees in our back yard.
I want to go back to last year, when I was sitting on the swing in front of the library, on the top of a hill. Or to the top of a different hill, in an abandoned golf course I accidentally wandered onto.
Those were times when I felt safe, and happy. Life was simple and magical, in those moments. When days like today happen I remember those moments and I want them back.
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