Uncontrollably Fond (Written June 30, 2017)
What is this feeling I’m feeling right now?
This ache, this insistent pull
To a person, to a place where people are-
What is this feeling I can’t control?
I won’t say I don’t care if they care for me-
I’ve established by now that hurts too much-
But I don’t think I need to be special to them,
Just someone with whom they will stay in touch.
But that touch, that little, tiny, touch
Would mean the world to me.
For, though I don’t express it well,
I’ve grown fond, perhaps uncontrollably.
Did I write this because I am finally finishing watching Uncontrollably Fond and wanted to write a poem of the same title?…There is a portion of truth to that. More so in that the title inspired me to think about what I have somehow become uncontrollably fond of.
It is strange, how little things just creep in and take up residency in the heart. Somehow, the meals I forced myself to sit down through become something I look forward to reaching. Slowly, the much dreaded walk back to class from a relaxing break and a cup of coffee grows into a special part of my day. Inexplicably, trips out to the place I hate most on this Earth become highlights of my life. Lo! The transforming powers of love?
Nah, I’m not in love, but I have discovered that I can really grow fond of people. Extremely fond, even. Apparently, even uncontrollably. Certain people, despite my best efforts to not stay in contact with them or ever think of them, manage to firmly plant themselves in my hollow little heart. It is fascinating.
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