A Mysterious Beat (Written March 6, 2018)
I’m too tired right now to understand
Why my heart is beating like this.
What did I, half asleep, start to think about
To make my thoughts go so amiss?
I don’t know what I thought to make me this way,
But I’m tense, and excited, and glad.
I feel almost as if I might explode
The tremors and tension are so bad.
Whatever it was I think I need to learn.
A feeling like this is too great to let go.
Don’t stop, what thought made me feel this way,
But, like this, please continue to grow.
This happens to me every now and again. I start drifting off, zoning out or falling asleep, when I suddenly feel my heart speed up. Without knowing why, I begin to feel excited, tense. I feel like I am longing for something that is very near at hand, that I am completely enamored with, and that I might soon have. But I never know what makes me feel this way. I wish I knew. If I ever find what causes this feeling I suspect I will chase after it with all my might. I don’t want this feeling to stop. I want it to grow and grow until it fills me up and drowns me.
There is a song right now, actually, that makes me think of this feeling. Have you ever heard of NCT U? I recently found that I really enjoy some of their songs. This one, in particular, just came out. It expresses my feelings right now very well, though I don’t think a person is what inspired this feeling in me. Check it out! (The music video is gorgeous, by the way. I wanted to show the lyrics that I feel express my feelings well, but you should definitely check out the music video if you enjoy the song.)