Fresh Roots (Written June 27, 2019)
For so long I thought this sadness would never go away,
Always waiting and wishing for an answer to my want,
But then I encounter in the present day
That ghost who I’d feared would always haunt.
And perhaps, with that, I can finally see
What I needed to witness to really come to know:
You aren’t the same person you used to be,
You’re somewhere new now, fresh roots begun to grow.
And, fresh though they are, they run strong and deep,
Unlike our connection severed while still thin.
You now have a steadiness I hope you can always keep,
A certainty and peace that you can rest within.
But that wasn’t something I could ever hope to give
Despite how I would have wished that I could,
And to weather life without that is no way for you live,
Even though I know that, for me, perhaps you would.
At least, back then that was something you would do,
And perhaps that is the problem that I still refuse to see:
While you are now a much grown you,
I am still an ever unchanged me.
You may or may not have noticed that I’ve had a rough time over that past few years. Mostly, that was because of a want that I couldn’t answer, or even hope to answer. It was because I refused to say goodbye, even though the parting had definitely already taken place. I just… couldn’t let go.
Well, I witnessed recently that person I refused to let go of. In the background of someone else’s video of something unrelated. He looked like he was doing well. He looked like he belonged where he was. That put me at ease, finally.
And that’s when I realized that he’d kept moving while I just kept sitting here wallowing. He’d kept growing, creating deep, healthy new roots. And I think that it’s time that I do that too.
Who knows, maybe it’s time for repotting?
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