Locked Away (Written April 1, 2020)
It’s something that’s just out of reach,
Something I’ve wanted for so very long.
I’ve dreamed of it, I’ve reached for it,
Been so greedy it must’ve been wrong.
And sometimes it feels like it’s in my hands,
Like somehow, miraculously, it came to be mine.
Like the longing and want were only a dream-
And then returns the crash of time.
And then I remember it is something I don’t have,
Something, in fact, that leaves farther every day.
Yet my selfish heart still longs for it,
For that chance long since locked in yesterday.
You know what I’m talking about, right? When you want something so bad, when it is so constantly on your mind, when you are always dreaming of when that dream comes true…that you start to forget that it hasn’t? That, in fact, at this point, it very likely never will? That’s where I am at, right now.
Y’know the really sick part? I knew that dream was extremely unlikely from before it ever really began. And yet, here I am, five years later, dreaming that same dream still. Maybe laying a dream to rest is harder than following it. Maybe waking up is the really hard part.
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I think I will take another stab at NaPoWriMo this year. Will I fail by… tomorrow? Maybe, but I will try, regardless.